WE DON'T EXIST RECORDS
About
Our Story
As a record label We Don't Exist . If we did, we'd only represent artists who embody the anti-establishment spirit of punk, regardless of music genre.
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But we don't exist. For now.
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If you're looking for wendsday or one of our Tokyo based J-Rap artists you can leave word with the 15th-century Victorian ghost at reception.
Meet the Team
We Don't Exist but this is the team that makes our label special.
FOUNDER
Chester 'The Boss Hog' Bossly
Oilman turned record mogul, The Boss Hog is notorious for his signature 'blood ink' artist signing pen and crocodile skin underwear. With only a few bill-chunks (billions) to his name and a handful of incredibly productive oil fields, 16 year old Chester stormed the music industry like he used to do to his grand-pappy's moonshine hidey-hole beneath the floorboards. His favourite album is 'The Fate of Ophelia' by The Taylor Carpenter Massacre.
MANAGING DIRECTOR
Blake Bossly
The beloved adoptive son of The Boss Hog (Chester does not have a bossin' sperm count) Blake does cocaine all the time. When he does decide to come to the office you can often find Blake standing over a crackling fireplace with a glass of scotch, eyes like the endless void, plotting to usurp his father by any means necessary.
A&R HEAD
Patrick Bateman
With ears as sharp as an axe, our Head of Cashing Cheques and Snapping Necks is known to keep the heads of artists who don't sign with us in his freezer - next to the sorbet.
VP OF COMMUNICATIONS AND GROUPTHINK
Charmaine Snaketooth
When our artists are in trouble because of an old problematic Facebook post, Ms Snaketooth is who they turn to. Charmaine grew up wrastlin' dingoes which is why our stable of musicians always love her campaign ideas.